By Jenna Ebener
A reflection
God has been testing me in some intense ways the past few weeks. As I work to recover from burnout from work, insomnia has been taking over. While I have struggled to sleep well for a long time, lately, I have been experiencing physical torments during the night, and my standard method of dealing with spiritual warfare did not stop these attacks. Yet, even though calling out to God does not end my suffering in the moment, I do not lose hope.
Of the three theological virtues: faith, hope, and love, hope is the one I have thought about the least, until now. I have never really thought about the tangible meaning of hope. The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines hope as “the theological virtue by which we desire the kingdom of heaven and eternal life as our happiness, placing our trust in Christ’s promises and relying not on our own strength, but on the help of the grace of the Holy Spirit.” Before, without really thinking about it, I would have defined hope loosely as trusting that things will get better. Now, it has a deeper meaning of trusting in God’s divine promise of heaven. I see hope as recognizing that the suffering of this life has a purpose. We may not see resolution of suffering in our lifetime, but we are promised the joy of heaven as a result of our hope during our suffering. Hope is also a reminder that we are not alone. We do not need to find the strength on our own; in fact, it is not enough. But we are not alone. God is giving us all of the strength that we need.
I now no longer see hope as this vague belief that things will get better. I see hope as a reminder to find joy that God is with me and is walking with me in this journey of life. I take consolation in knowing that my suffering has a purpose and will lead me to eternal life with our God. While there is still fear and anxiety about these things I cannot control, I am choosing to fix my eyes on the hope that everything God says is true. While I may fail in this focus at times, hope is always there, waiting for me to pick it back up.
Suffering during this life takes many forms. It may be direct attacks from the evil one, or it may come from other avenues like illness, death, mental illness, financial challenges, watching loved ones struggle, and experiencing injustices in our broken world. Maybe you feel like you are being attacked from all directions. No matter the avenue of your suffering, it is there in some shape and form, and it matters. My prayer for you all is that you can turn towards hope. For light can always be found, even if it is far in the distance. May you take courage from the strength of Saint Paul, who encountered countless suffering for Christ. “That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:10).
(Jenna Ebener, a graduate of St. Ambrose University in Davenport, is a social worker at a school in Colorado for students with a combination of medical, cognitive and behavior disabilities. She relies on God every day to aid her on this wonderful, yet intense journey.)
