By Brennen Schmertmann
Fatherhood in Real Time
St. Thomas Aquinas once said, “Temperance is the virtue that teaches us moderation.” On a similar subject, Aristotle stated, “virtue is the desirable middle ground between two extremes, the Golden Mean.” Two of the greatest thinkers in history (one Catholic, the other pagan) and both reaching the conclusion that virtue lies in temperance.
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of attending a men’s group where we talked about various topics related to masculinity and fatherhood. One topic that came up in conversation dealt with how the male psyche can be pulled in two extreme directions when dealing with chaos. One extreme pulls us toward sloth and the other toward domination. When men find themselves in chaotic situations or environments, they will make one of two choices. They may become lazy or apathetic and do nothing because they can’t control the situation or they may try to tame chaos by dominating those around them and their surroundings.
I have found this true in my own life. I am a husband to a beautiful wife and a father to four earthly children and one in heaven. I also run my own business and coach my kids’ baseball team. My wife homeschools the children and takes care of our home and literally everything else (she did not pay me to write that). To say my life is chaotic would be an understatement. Life sometimes feels like we are reacting to it rather than making it work for us and I often find myself pulled into the extremes of sloth and dominator.
As an example, my house looks like an EF-5 tornado, an earthquake and a nuclear bomb struck — all at the same time. No matter how much I try to clean or have my children clean or try to stay ahead of it, it never seems like any progress is made. It drives me nuts and I will fall into a sloth mentality and give up and just do nothing. At least if another EF-5 tornado rolls on through it won’t look any different. However, I am not satisfied and want to tame the chaos. I know I can’t tame it when it comes to a clean house so I try to tame it elsewhere, in my business.
When it comes to my business, I take the role of dominator. My office is clean and organized and I control everything from investments to social media to implementation of strategies. However, this dominator attitude might be to the detriment of my employee, who is also my wife (I told you she does everything). She comes up with great ideas but if it doesn’t fit the vision in my head, I may strike it down, even if it is a better idea. It is my way of trying to control chaos in some kind of way but, the reality is, I can’t control chaos and create more with these behaviors.
This leads us back to the Aquinas and Aristotle quotes. I have been told by those much wiser than me that balance is the key. Tempering one’s emotions and urges is the pathway to virtue, sainthood and a properly ordered life. I have no idea how to achieve that but it definitely sounds like an excellent strategy. In the end, my opinion is that chaos will remain in our lives. We don’t have the power to overcome this by ourselves. God in his infinite power and wisdom will give us the grace to overcome the chaos, if we bring him into our lives.
(Brennen Schmertmann attends St. Paul the Apostle Parish in Davenport.)
