I recently saw the film “Wicked” for the first time. Two scenes in particular have stuck with me and revolve around loving ourselves as we are.
In one scene, the two main characters, Elphaba and Galinda, are at a dance. Elphaba thought the hat gifted to her by Galinda was a gesture of kindness when, in reality, it was a way to ridicule Elphaba. While everyone in the room laughed at Elphaba, she seemingly ignored them. She proceeded to dance alone in the middle of the room to no music. Her dancing was disjointed, with abnormal movements, such as flapping her arm against her forehead. Galinda realized that Elphaba did care what others thought; she just did a good job of hiding how much their rejection affected her. So, Galinda joined her on the dance floor. She danced as Elphaba danced, not out of mockery but as a way to connect with her.
This powerful scene reminds me of how we interact with our students at my school. Our students are nonverbal and many of them have repetitive behaviors, such as spinning or flapping their hands. It is how they experience their world. Some people may think the students are not aware of how others react to them and that it is not possible to connect with the students.
Those who take the time to get to know our students know otherwise. Just like Galinda, our staff often recognizes that the best way to connect with people who are “different” is to meet them on their level. I have seen these interactions take many forms — shaking a pool noodle with them, playing chase, making eye contact and rocking their body rapidly back and forth to meet the student’s pace, and so much more.
Every time I see or experience that connection with a student, I can see in their eyes, smiles and their body language conveying how much that interaction means. We are showing them that we love them as they are and believe that the way they experience the world is valuable and worth experiencing in the same way.
It has taken me many years to meet my students fully on their level. While I always interacted with them the best I could, I felt trapped in my body for a very long time. I felt self-conscious about letting go of the tight control I keep on my body, even with things such as dancing. Before I had self-compassion, a deep part of me was afraid that the students would not accept me if I tried to truly get on their level. I was afraid of rejection.
When I developed self-compassion, I was finally able to see the truth. Whenever I witnessed a staff member compassionately imitating a student’s behaviors to connect with them, I thought it was the most beautiful sight I had seen. I wanted to do that for our students, too. It took years of self-compassion work and learning to be comfortable in my skin but I am finally freer in my body.
The other scene from “Wicked” that I really connected with showed Galinda and Elphaba sharing secrets. Elphaba shared one secret sourced in feelings of deep shame and unworthiness. I thought Galinda’s response was profound: “It may be your secret but it doesn’t make it true.”
Just like Elphaba, I get stuck in my head with many messages compounded with shame. Over the years, I too, am learning that what I think is true does not always make it true. I thought I was not good enough to connect with my students on a deep level but now I can view that “truth” as a lie. What truths are you holding onto that might need a second look? Do you need help knowing where to start? Pretend the words are coming from Jesus and picture what he would say. “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3).
(Jenna Ebener, a graduate of St. Ambrose University in Davenport, is a social worker at a school in Colorado for students with a combination of medical, cognitive and behavior disabilities. She relies on God every day to aid her on this wonderful, yet intense journey.)