By Jenna Ebener
A reflection
In the past month, I have had two thyroid procedures. The first procedure resulted in complications and a lot of pain during and after. I was really struggling with the failure of the procedure and dreading having to repeat it. Life has felt very hard for over three years now and it felt like one more blow.
During what I can only describe as a fever dream the second night after my procedure, I experienced what seemed to be a message from God. I do not remember the details but do remember the message — when things finally get better, I will appreciate the future so much more because I will have overcome countless challenges to get there. I will know the effort it took to get to the point of joy and that effort will make future challenges seem not so extreme. I will simply be so grateful that I am at a new stage in my life.
While I have been telling myself a similar message for years, this was the first time I believed with conviction that my suffering will make sense someday and will make life sweeter in the long run. This message is generalizable to watching others suffer.
One of the tenets of self-compassion is our common humanity, recognizing that we are not alone in our suffering. For me, this concept has been notoriously challenging to see as a good thing. In my mind, it does not help to know that others are suffering; it just makes me sadder. However, the true power in our common humanity is that we can see the strength of others as they fight their battles. We can also find connection in knowing that we are not alone and seeing how suffering can also lead to great examples of love and support.
I did not tell many people about my first thyroid procedure. I had already gone through so much with my thyroid and doctors were convinced that this procedure would work. I did not expect that an outcome could be their inability to gain access to my thyroid. After the crushing realization that I would have to repeat the procedure in a more intensive way, I knew I needed more support.
Before the second procedure, I reached out to many people, asking for prayers for a successful procedure and less negative bodily reactions. By being vulnerable in my suffering, I was able to soak in the benefit of common humanity. I woke up the day before my procedure with a sense of calm that I had not felt in a very long time, which helped me stay in a positive mindset before my procedure and not get overwhelmed when a truck struck my car that same day. Instead of spiraling, I was able to be grateful that I was safe and that my car was drivable enough to get me to my procedure the next day.
What challenges are you currently facing? How can you take comfort in knowing that your suffering has purpose and that you are not alone? How can you unite with others who are also struggling this Christmas season? “And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1 Peter 5:10).
(Jenna Ebener, a graduate of St. Ambrose University in Davenport, is a social worker at a school in Colorado for students with a combination of medical, cognitive and behavior disabilities. She relies on God every day to aid her on this wonderful, yet intense journey.)
