By Barb Arland-Fye
Editor
Bishop Dennis Walsh’s homily for the 50+ Wedding Anniversary Mass this past Sunday stirred not only the hearts of the couples celebrating this milestone, but also Catholics like me, committed to this precious sacrament. “You are able to love each other in complete freedom, knowing each other’s faults and failings … Your lives become a sacrament, a sign that is a light for the world to see …”
I reflect on something Father Lou Leonhardt said to Steve and me during our marriage preparation meetings: “You even each other out.” At the time, I wasn’t sure exactly what Father Lou meant, but his prescient observation now makes sense to me.
Steve rarely dwells on slights or hurts (inflicted by me or anyone else); I tend to carry them like wounds to the heart. I grieve longer over loss or life-changing events while Steve accepts what comes and moves on. When one of us got frustrated dealing with the unusual behaviors of our older son with autism, the other managed to remain calm (that has to be God’s grace!).
One husband I interviewed after the 50th Wedding Anniversary Mass said he believed that couples who share common interests and values are more likely to be successful in marriage. Steve and I share common values and a number of interests (I would not describe myself as a “rail fan” yet). We laugh together, a lot, and enjoy adventures together.
We support each other during tough times. During his crippling bout with back pain before surgery, I bravely accepted grocery shopping and cooking responsibilities. One day Steve asked me to pick up a package of “Just Bare” chicken. I arrived at the meat counter and asked the employee for “Bare Naked Chicken.” I think he had tears in his eyes from trying to suppress his laughter at my request. He asked politely if I meant “Just Bare” chicken and filled my order with a smile. I told Steve about it when I got home and he hasn’t laughed so hard since. He continues to share that story with others, nine years later along with some other meal preparation stories that testify to my cooking weaknesses.
Steve did not grow up in the Catholic Church or attend church services of any kind on a regular basis. He took Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults classes before our marriage but relies on me for answers to his faith-based questions and accepts corrections to misnamed terms. I edit or polish some of his correspondence to the many organizations and groups to which he belongs.
Ten years ago, when I suffered a spiral fracture of my right tibia and fibula, Steve assisted me in the shower. He accompanies me on check-ups at the Mayo Clinic. After I completed chemo treatment in 2018, and received an attractive little pin, I asked Steve, worriedly, “What happens if I have to receive chemo some other time?” He joked, “You’ll just get more pins!”
I thank God that Steve joined me on our Catholic Messenger Pilgrimage to Ireland two years ago. We discovered too late that we would not have a tour guide other than our bus driver. By nature, Steve has a calming presence and serves as the glue that holds things together. Steve and Bishop Thomas Zinkula, and our fellow pilgrims made our pilgrimage a cherished experience.
Steve and I pray together daily, participate in our parish and attend Mass two or three times a week. We firmly believe that God guides us on this sacramental journey.
Father Ron Rolheiser’s column in this issue of The Catholic Messenger focuses on whether love sustains marriage or marriage sustains love. “The book we need on love will be written by a married couple who, through ritual, have sustained a commitment through the ups and downs of many years,” Father Rolheiser says. I can imagine that the couples married 50 years or more, along with Steve and I (married 39 years) would respond, “Amen!”
(Contact Barb Arland-Fye at arland-fye@davenportdiocese.org)
