By Kathy Berken
On Deck
When my 16-year-old granddaughter Anna asked me to be her confirmation sponsor earlier this year, I was honored and thrilled! Although we live about 300 miles apart, we were both determined to make it work. Thank goodness for smart phones and Zoom, without which our interactions would be limited to phone calls.
We stay in communication with her parents and her parish’s Families and Youth Coordinator, although the work is primarily Anna’s and mine to accomplish. The nine-month series of meetings for sponsors and candidates along with her separate classes and joint requirements are spelled out in the handbook. This all feels so much more involved than when I was my niece Jill’s sponsor many decades ago. For Jill, I basically showed up for the confirmation Mass and stood behind her during the sacrament with my hand on her shoulder.
Anna and I scheduled Zoom meetings a week before each session. We will do separate service projects and she will create a short video explaining each of our activities. We decided to set 9 p.m. each night as our prayer time, where we read the readings for the upcoming Sunday liturgy and reflect on them. We do this separately, but knowing that we are praying at the same time keeps us connected. I use an app called Catholic Life that has daily readings along with a reflection on the upcoming Gospel. The app also uses an AI voice that recites the readings. Anna uses the USCCB website.
We completed an eight-page survey related to our faith lives, and later discussed our answers to the reflection questions over Zoom. I plan to stay in contact with Anna through texts, emails and an occasional phone call, and our virtual meetings will continue.
There is one session in Wisconsin that I can attend, and, ironically, it is the same weekend that her family is driving here to Minnesota to celebrate my youngest granddaughter’s birthday. Anna and I will have the weekend to ourselves to talk and do some things together. We will hopefully have a face-time visit with the family at the birthday party.
Being Anna’s sponsor has been significant to me because it has allowed me to share much of my own faith journey with her. I am increasingly impressed with her understanding of her faith and her introspection about how that affects her everyday life. I have been remiss in taking the time to talk about God and the Church with my grandchildren because, honestly, the times we are together we focus on family events such as sports, cheer, scouts, or a birthday or holiday.
A few years ago, on our annual family camping trip in Door County, Wisconsin, I walked away from a tense family argument because I needed to find a more peaceful place. Anna found me and we sat and had a good, honest, conversation. The next day as we were walking up to the bathrooms, she said, “Grandma, I really like you!” That got my attention! I asked her what she meant. She said, “I like how we can have serious conversations.” What a gift of unexpected grace!
Sometimes it takes a specific event for us to learn that God is and has been present in our lives all along. My meetings with Anna over this school year will be a time for us both to grow in our faith and in our grandma-granddaughter relationship. Each one of my four grandchildren is my favorite — my favorite grandson, and my favorite oldest, middle, and youngest granddaughters! Each of them knows where they stand and they enjoy teasing me about it.
Perhaps that is how it is with our relationship with God — each of us is God’s favorite in a way that is understandable to our hearts and souls alone. For that, I am ever grateful and blessed.
(Kathy Berken is a spiritual director and retreat leader in St. Paul, Minnesota. She lived and worked at L’Arche in Clinton — The Arch from 1999-2009.)
