By Jenna Ebener
A reflection
I continue to ponder the spiritual attack that happened to me in March. That test was the most intense event I have experienced but it was only one test among four. Within a period of 10 days, God tested me in four different ways.
First, at the start of a new relationship, I quickly realized that my body was holding onto some severe trauma from my past serious relationship. My instinct was to flee from the new relationship but I knew the trauma would not just disappear, so I worked through the pain. A few days later, I experienced severe emotional insecurity at work and battled with self-hatred for the entire day until I got to therapy that night. A few days later, I experienced the demonic attack I wrote about last month that brought to light my deepest fears — but ultimately aligned me even deeper with God. A few days after that, I was the victim of a nightmarish scam that I got through because I had steadfast faith that God was guiding me.
Any of those tests would have been intense enough on its own but to have them occur in such a short time period made for a challenging month afterwards as I processed what happened. One thing I marveled at quickly though is how God so clearly protected me through it all.
I did have recovery time, even though short, between each event. With the aid of my self-compassion tools, therapist, spiritual guides and family, God helped me return to my baseline before the next test occurred. Before the final test, God strengthened me through Mary.
Earlier that night, I had a deep conversation with a dear friend about the Trinity and Mary showing up for us during intense trials in our lives. We joked about how it seemed crazy that our yokes from God were truly light, but we acknowledged that God indeed takes most of the burden. I expressed my yearning to feel Mary’s presence more. A few hours later, I had a consoling dream that I cannot recall. Yet, when I woke up, instead of jumping out of bed as I did after recent nightmares, I stayed curled up on my side. I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders and then what felt like a comforting arm wrap around me. I knew it was our Mother and I fell back into a peaceful sleep.
Seeing what occurred mere hours later in the last test, I can’t help but be reminded that God strengthened Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane before his passion: “An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him” (Luke 22:43). Likewise, before Jesus faced the three temptations from the devil, he was strengthened by fasting for 40 days prior to the test (Luke 4:1). God has shown repeatedly that he will not blindly test us. He will give us the tools we need to endure trials and come out stronger than ever.
How is God testing you? What are the tools he is laying at your feet to give you strength? For “God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
(Jenna Ebener, a graduate of St. Ambrose University in Davenport, is a social worker at a school in Colorado for students with a combination of medical, cognitive and behavior disabilities. She relies on God every day to aid her on this wonderful, yet intense journey.)
