By Barb Arland-Fye
Book review
“Stepping Up! How Christ Turned My Pain & Suffering Into Hope & Joy,” by Caitie Crowley. En Route Books and Media, LLC, St. Louis, Mo., 153 pages, 2021. Available for purchase on Amazon, EWTN Religious Catalogue and many audiobook platforms.
In the months after a traumatic car accident, Caitie Crowley experienced hopelessness as she struggled to regain mobility and some semblance of her former life as an active, 24-year-old graduate student with a budding career in western Illinois.
A devout Catholic now pursuing a PhD in Mass Communications/Digital Media at the University of Iowa, Caitie leaned into her faith to guide her on the arduous journey to recovery. She wrote about her ordeal in a book that conveys the rawness of her pain — physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Caitie questioned God about the accident and its effect on her life — for starters, the once competitive dancer was unable to walk for 10 months — but she believed that God remained at her side.
“I was so desperate to walk again that I kept trying different options, but none was working. I couldn’t understand why God wasn’t having it work out. In hindsight, I think the Lord was teaching me perseverance,” Caitie reflected in her book, “Stepping Up! How Christ Turned My Pain & Suffering Into Hope & Joy,” published in 2021, two years after the life-changing accident.
Her faith steered her toward transforming loss through the lens of gratitude. When she thought no one could be worse off, she saw a teen of about 16 or 17 at the physical therapy office who had endured an amputation below the knee. “She was so young to be going through this, and she had lived way less life than I had at 24,” Caitie wrote. “My cross is temporary, but she will always have a physical reminder of hers. It is all about perspective.”
God provided Caitie with sustenance in a myriad of ways, especially through the loving care and support of her parents, who never left her side. Other relatives and friends, the health care providers who treated her with dignity and respect (some did not, she said), prayers, spiritual practices and self-reflection also sustained her.
Six years later, in reflecting on her interactions with those whom she thought treated her with indifference or harshness, forgiveness is the word that comes to mind, Caitie told The Catholic Messenger. Her experience taught her to “appreciate the good, kind, saintly people” she has encountered.
“When Jesus was dying on the cross, he turned those who wanted him dead over to God. He forgave them,” she said. “Forgiveness is about trusting God to take care of the situation and not taking matters into our own hands. Forgiveness exercises our will, not our feelings. Forgiveness brings healing to the negative situation. Jesus is our model. We follow him.”
She still faces challenges resulting from her accident, including future knee surgeries and making accommodations because of her damaged knee. “Navigating new places or buildings is a challenge. I have to avoid stairs, avoid hills, find an elevator, etc.,” she said. Dancing, at which she excelled in high school, is much more limited. Hiking, bowling, golf and fitness classes are out. New events require advance planning.
However, Caitie views the world and her life differently since the accident, she told the Messenger. Her hope in God’s providence and trust in his will have taken deeper root. “Through this suffering experience, I am able to more clearly see God working in my life. Even when I don’t understand it or don’t like it. I know he is there. I know he is with me. I know he will see me through whatever it is that I don’t think I can get through,” she said. Encountering Jesus in the Eucharist inspires her. “To receive that gift, Jesus himself, is the best gift anyone could ever receive.”
In her new journey, as a PhD student in Mass Communication / Digital Media, she aspires to be a communications professor. “My goal is to create meaningful content all for the glory of God.”
(Barb Arland-Fye is editor of The Catholic Messenger.)
