Members of St. Mary Parish-Iowa City and St. Thomas More Parish-Coralville who are studying to become Stephen Ministers pose for a photo during a training session earlier this year.
By Lindsay Steele
The Catholic Messenger
Two years ago, Emily Kauble discovered her beloved aunt’s suicide. “She had struggled her whole life with mental illness and I have also struggled with mental illness,” said Kauble, a member of St. Thomas More Parish-Coralville. “It destroyed me.”
She was familiar with her parish’s Stephen Ministry, which provides one-to-one care to people experiencing a difficult time in life but she was hesitant to reach out. “I was not ready to face the hardships I have experienced,” she said. A few months after her aunt’s death, Kauble realized she couldn’t handle the pain on her own. She began meeting with Stephen Minister JoAnn Miller. Each week, Kauble opened up a bit more and began to work through her traumatic experiences. Each meeting ended with prayer. “Slowly I began seeing my anger at God and the gravity of what I had been through. Having support each week to discuss things has helped me get to where I am emotionally and spiritually.”
Stephen Ministers offer emotional and prayerful support to Catholics and non-Catholics who are enduring emotional, physical or spiritual hardships. “It’s a ministry of presence… actively listening and quietly seeking God’s grace upon that person,” said Meliza Wise, a Stephen Minister at the Coralville parish.
More than 13,000 congregations from more than 190 Christian denominations offer this ministry, including the Coralville parish and St. Mary Parish in Iowa City. Stephen Ministry leaders at each parish match care receivers with a minister who can accompany them on a weekly basis or as needed. In-person visits are most effective and supportive, though virtual appointments are an option for care receivers with health issues, Miller said.
Mary Duffey reached out to Stephen Ministry in 2020 while struggling with severe rheumatoid arthritis and the grief of having to leave her longtime teaching position at Regina Catholic Education Center in Iowa City. “I could hardly walk. The pain was unbearable. I could hardly move my arms and hands, they were so inflamed,” Duffey said. Standard medications did little to ease her symptoms and insurance would not immediately cover more intense treatments, she said. “The things I loved to do, I couldn’t do anymore and I was kind of trapped in the house… I was feeling very helpless and hopeless.”
Duffey, a St. Mary parishioner, found emotional and spiritual comfort in weekly virtual visits with her Stephen Minister, Patty Rossman. “At first we kind of talked about how I was feeling and we prayed together,” Duffey recalled. “She was a great listener, just caring and kind. It didn’t take long to feel safe to share how I was really feeling. It felt okay to cry in front of her. She was always comforting, which is exactly what I needed.”
The women developed a friendship during their 18 months of Stephen Ministry visits. Duffey’s symptoms are more manageable now and the two occasionally go on walks and talk about their lives. “Patty kept me focused on Jesus and, in turn, I was rewarded with a friendship.”
“Everyone has struggles and difficult times during their lives,” said Cathy Nepola, a retired nurse and Stephen Ministry leader at the Coralville parish. “Having someone there that can offer encouragement, support and a listening ear in a non-biased, non-judgmental way can help them through those stressful times.” Nepola appreciates getting to know people she serves in a deep and personal way. Sometimes they share with her what they aren’t comfortable saying to family or friends.
Stephen Ministry provides faith-based hope and encouragement but does not replace psychiatric care or professional counseling. The ministry team can make a referral to an appropriate mental health professional or other community resource as needed.
“Therapy and Stephen Ministry together have been very helpful,” said Kauble, who first heard about the ministry from a mental health therapist eight years ago. “It is an extra support that helps me spiritually address the issues I am addressing in my therapy sessions. To have spiritual support and understanding of why I may be experiencing a hard time helps me see my faith easier.”
St. Thomas More Parish began offering Stephen Ministry in 2010 at the suggestion of Wise, whose former parish in San Antonio, Texas offered it. She felt called to bring the program to Coralville after an hour-long conversation with a widowed parishioner whom she felt could benefit from the ministry.
“Our very first class had 14 men and women, including the widowed parishioner.” The parish has offered several training programs since then, commissioning more than 50 parishioners over the years. Stephen Ministers must complete 50 hours of training, covering topics such as caring ministry, assertive relating, spiritual gifts discovery, grief support and spiritual growth.
St. Mary began offering Stephen Ministry in 2022 when parishioners Bill Doucette and Julia Blake received training with the St. Thomas More group. Doucette and Blake also took Stephen Ministry Leader training to learn how to manage the ministry at their parish, which now has eight Stephen Ministers.
The two parishes team up for training and monthly continuing education meetings. “Working together with St. Thomas More Stephen Ministers has given us access to experienced Stephen Ministers,” Doucette said. The parish ministries also meet separately once a month for support and supervision. Three St. Mary and nine St. Thomas More parishioners are set to complete training later this year.
“Stephen Ministry helped me get support and see things from a different perspective,” Kauble said. “I would not be where I am today without this journey.”
(Next week a story on how Stephen Ministries healing goes both ways will run in The Catholic Messenger.)
